When I Stopped Being Embarrassed

When I first tried fencing alongside grade-school students, I felt painfully self-conscious. I worried about how ridiculous I must look—a middle-aged woman learning a new sport beside kids.

By the time I took up pole vaulting at fifty-five, something had changed.

My fellow students were much younger, and most of them barely reached my shoulder. But this time, I wasn’t embarrassed. I was proud to be there, using my body, learning something difficult, and sharing the experience with athletes from a completely different generation.

We were all beginners. We all missed jumps, misunderstood instructions, and celebrated when one small piece finally clicked. The age difference no longer separated me from the group—it became part of what made the experience special.

I took photographs with my fellow vaulters and posted them proudly. That may sound like a small thing, but it marked a real change in me. I had stopped worrying about whether I looked as though I belonged and started appreciating the fact that I had shown up.

That photograph reminds me that belonging doesn’t require everyone to look alike or arrive at the same stage of life. Sometimes you belong simply because you are willing to learn, encourage others, and celebrate alongside them.

The complete pole-vaulting story appears in The Whistler’s Daughter.